A winding path, obscured in shadow’s veil,
My mind, once lost, in darkness left to flail.
Through valleys low, where silent demons lurk,
I trudged in circles, void of purposeful work.
Yet inward did I turn my curious gaze,
Unveiling truths in research’s steadfast ways.
Each text and tome a flame to light the night,
Guiding wisdom, rapt within my sight.
With softened eyes, I pierced my heart’s own maze,
No longer hid in shame’s confounding haze.
My passions, found, no more left in the dust,
Their zeal renewed, in me their rightful trust.
On winding roads, we stumble, we may fall,
But knowledge cures, enlightens one and all.

The title seems exaggerated, but is it? The concept of research saved me from going down a path of ignorance and misery, an end road where nihilism and defeat awaited.

Effective research skills can change one’s life. Before sharing my story, it helps to understand its meaning by looking at its etymology:

Research derives from the Old French “recercher” meaning “to seek out,” and the Latin “circare” or “to go about, wander.”

In short, research implies not just gathering information but seeking new insights by digging deeper and revisiting topics with fresh eyes.

Research is an active process of discovery rather than passive reception of facts. It entails exploring unseen places, wandering in circles to gain new vantage points. The researcher is a curious and diligent voyager, not just a collector of information.

True research requires willingness to question assumptions, challenge existing paradigms, and integrate knowledge into original frameworks. It demands resilience and systematic rigor, but also creativity and imagination to forge new connections. One must wander far and wide, survey from above, yet plunge into the depths.

In this way, research cultivates wisdom and an enlightened, expansive worldview. It is a means of personal development and the key to unlocking humankind’s progress across disciplines. If the unexamined life is not worth living, as Socrates declared, then a life guided by research is the highest calling.

The road of research holds endless opportunities for discovery, both inward and outward. By examining our lives with care, we gain wisdom from every experience along the winding path.

Though my journey sheds light on many truths, there’s always more to uncover and explore. We must keep wandering with open minds and curious hearts.

The unlit road ahead beckons. As Aristotle writes:

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” —Aristotle

The road from darkness to light

A few years ago, I decided to publish a book. I had several ideas, but needed to determine which one to explore. Then it dawned on me one day in my journal entry I had a plethora of literature archived on DVDs I had stored over the years since high school. Why not gather my writing and determine the best works to publish?

After grueling hours of reading through many of them in their original state, the cringe I felt with each one I read, but respectfully, just as much as the progress I forged over the year, showed an improvement in writing quality. I realized that like Santiago in The Alchemist, the treasure I sought was within me all along. My Personal Legend was to share my stories with the world. I decided my first book was going to be a poetry collection.

However, to reach that decision, it took a pivotal point in my life to cross that juncture. If it wasn’t for the development of looking inward and wandering back into my history to dig deeper and the courage required to undertake this journey by putting the proverbial pencil to paper. A dark place in my life.

Down and out

I had a falling-out moment in my life in 2013, and I was stuck between a rock and a hard place for a couple of years—I was my worst enemy. I was unemployed—although getting job interviews; they turned me down each time.

This struggle to land a job, partly because of my hubris, also put me in a dark place of shame, a feeling of inadequacy like Odysseus trapped in the cave of the cyclops Polyphemus, I felt lost and helpless.

People who do not contribute to society are stigmatized as lazy, incompetent, or freeloaders. I kept quiet for months as it eroded my mental health, just like Odysseus trapped on Calypso’s island, away from my professional homeland.

It’s shameful to show weakness and be judged by others. In hindsight, I should have sought help even though I kept applying for jobs, tweaking my resume for each one. Society has another stigma around people who seek professional mental health service as an outsider they don’t want to associate themselves with.

While getting turned down for job offers and withholding my situation from friends. I kept trying to make something of myself rather than nothing. Yet, I spiraled into negativity, thinking of myself as a loser like Odysseus on his long journey home, I felt lost and alone, facing inner demons and external challenges.

Glimmer of light

I continued to move on while feeling ashamed. My personality and way of navigating life could explain my bad luck, which gives me hope. I questioned whether I was not expressing who I was as a passionate person or if I needed to improve in some essential skills.

I ventured to learn more about myself, reflecting deeply through journaling and books probing my childhood. By identifying unhealthy patterns in my relationships, thoughts and behaviors, I gained crucial self-knowledge. This led me to explore career options that better fit my personality, rather than being pulled around by impulses.

While also broadening my knowledge of the world through history, philosophy, mythology, and psychology. As Aristotle quotes:

“Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.” — Aristotle

I found my profession and personal growth to be the most practical areas for change.

I’d invested my education and experience in the I.T. industry. The most straightforward approach was gaining extra credentials to validate my technical skill sets. So I studied and earned two certifications while pursuing web development as a hobby.

Crossing the thresholds

I scoured the web to identify the best way to enter this field as an amateur. Viola, many online code schools, popped up, and one click away from empowering me with a sought skill; thus, I stumbled upon Treehouse, Codecademy, and others.

After accomplishing a few hired projects in the I.T. field, I finally struck gold! After two years, I landed a temp role with a global brand, thanks to a man named J.P., who allowed me to prove my worth. Meanwhile, I needed help to grasp coding, so I gave up and switched lanes to web design and branding. And, with all new ventures, I experienced momentum in this newfound hobby while building rapport with associates at the workplace to raise my reputation in the career landscape.

After my temp job ended, I was back to square one, and job searches were unsuccessful for months. Then, the company rehired me for the next project cycle because of my reputation. By this time, I had built my website and hired to redo my cousin’s business website by making it look more kid and SEO friendly.

In my upward trajectory, I landed two more clients, and like a cliff drop, the temp role ended once again. A rollercoaster of emotions flooded me; yet, undeterred with an eager face, I kept pressing forward and filled the gap by volunteering for a non-profit as a web developer for their WordPress sites.

Then Marcus Aurelius spoke to me in his words:

“Our actions may be impeded, but there can be no impeding our intentions or dispositions… The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” —Marcus Aurelius

Finally, three months later, I received good news that the same global brand company hired me as a full-time employee, and what a relief it was then…

The excitement lasted for two years, from a dark place to this point, and I’m grateful for everything. Yet, an unsettling feeling kept nudging me. My dissatisfaction with my day job grew, as did my understanding of why people struggle in corporate environments.

I identified with Joel at the start of The Last of Us – lost in grief, void of purpose. When upper management made poor decisions or did not prioritize fundamental issues, and they shot good ideas down, unhealthy office politics reared its head. So, showing up to work grew debilitating.

So, I sought new ways to renew my passion for my work, and I recognized I was banking too much of my well-being on the job to fulfill it—in hindsight, never a wise choice. I hypothesize that when you’re driven and creative, finding fulfillment in projects, you don’t see any meaning within the constraints of your role in a company. A vacuum is filled in its place.

I thought the entrepreneurship mountain was too steep to climb at this point in my life, so I saw no other option. In this ambivalent stage, I landed another client to help clear my mind of the day job drama for some period like Joel caring for Ellie reignited his meaning, nurturing my creative passions through taking on web development projects revived my spirit.

Peering within the soul

In my journal entry, I philosophically meditate on my day-to-day experience. Like picking on a scab like a hound to a fox chase, I scrutinize my psyche, peering deep into my shadows as Carl G. Jung would dub it and writes:

“Knowledge rests not upon truth alone, but upon error also.” — Carl Jung

I sifted through the B.S. and blind spots I have created, what narrative I bought into and how I could challenge it, and it unraveled itself.

Unraveling itself with each introspection, with every self-assessment of personality tests. One note about personality tests: they’re great for uncovering your current personality type and providing guidance. Yet, with time, it’s more likely some aspects will change or should evolve.

The uncertain future demands us to adapt to unforeseen events that require us to transform. Believing in a fixed personality can harm you in the long run. Thus, by exploring my personal branding: my values, my passions, and what purpose I wanted to cultivate.

What task or endeavor gives my life more explicit meaning than arbitrary ones in some menial work activity? Once I lifted the wool from my eyes, I began seeing the patterns between all my self-assessments. I still believed biases and fallacies were at play and related them to my childhood joys and the similarities between all activities.

So, like a detective, I saw the motive; as an author, I saw the motif, and like a cliche, I saw the writing on the wall. This required deliberate time and effort by venturing into hidden places I was ashamed to face. I suppressed many uncomfortable discoveries for years, and it only enlarged my shadow!

I discovered I was seeking autonomy and control over the type of work I get to do than have to do and I wanted to feed my creative side and satiate the demon; also, I wanted to share and provide value for others in whatever format: entertainment, information, education, and or inspiration and if I’m lucky, build a community of like-minded folks like Odysseus having to hear the irresistible song of the Sirens, I knew I had to change course in my career.

And in one of my journal entries, I pivoted to pursue a lifestyle in writing. A vocation in writing where I get to provide a value for others and explore many sources of income that writing skills can offer: freelance writing, courses, books, blogging, and scripts for videos, to name a few—rather than one where I was trading my time to push the agenda of someone else’s dream in some hollow cubicle in the office punching away the keys I was withering away daily. A sentiment Joseph Campbell would share in his quote:

“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.” —Joseph Campbell

I respect people who thrive in an employer environment, able to detach or integrate from a job to support their life outside of work. However, some individuals have an entrepreneurial drive and choose to create their own path. Losing everything in a layoff without a safety net is the death knell that’s what we’re led to believe.

The uncertain future still makes people dread when no cash flow comes in. I knew the pain of being unemployed and had to regain freedom by making sacrifices. On following your dreams – much like how Santiago left Andalusia, his comfort zone to venture into the unknown to find his personal legend.

New horizons

I shut down my web design business and switched over to writing. I couldn’t write a book yet, much less go through the process from idea to publication. I had to identify what I lacked and fill in knowledge gaps to publish a poetry book. Research how other authors started, and from one search into many, I stumbled upon many blog posts, podcasts, and videos about writing, publishing, and marketing.

Then I found a few authors who have written on the topics I was seeking and devoured their free content. I needed to continue satiating my hunger for knowledge from their content. So, I bit the bullet and bought their books.

Ordeal

I realized one day while glancing at my excessive notes, bookmarks, highlights, etc. Something caught me in a nasty loop of planning and research. What James Clear points out in his book Atomic Habits:

“Being in motion and taking action.
The two ideas sound similar, but they’re not the same.
When you’re in motion, you’re planning and strategizing, and learning.
Those are all good things, but they don’t produce a result.”

Then, I remembered the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius in his quote after a year of obsessive research delayed my writing:

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” — Marcus Aurelius

On this long-winded journey, I had to address other behaviors that prevented me from making consistent progress in publishing a book in a reasonable amount of time.

My uncle diagnosed me with a personality that is prone to addiction. I passionately dedicate all my energy to it; until one day, that once fancy toy is no longer fancy, and a new one fills its place. This underlying behavior prevented me from taking risks for various ambitious endeavors like the Siren’s song in the Odyssey; I could not resist the next temptation.

I scrutinized the root causes of the behavior I was struggling with, including imposter syndrome, fear of failure and success, and public criticism. Yet, I knew the importance of persisting through obstacles – as Santiago crossed the desert despite difficulties.

I snatched up books with exercises that helped me look deeply at these obstacles in my psyche. I would run across various philosophies to help me reframe my outlook on life and embrace both the good and bad aspects of human nature.

A lot of the wisdom I found in Stoicism, Aristotle’s Golden Mean, and living daily by the motto “Amor Fati“ helped me develop a resilient mindset. Furthermore, the awareness and acceptance that my natural responses to my environment hold valuable insights about my belief and the circumstances I face daily.

I learned many situations are outside my control, and dwelling too long about that fact did not progress a healthy outcome. Still, I can reframe my responses and trust in faith that the road ahead is littered with imperfections and unknown obstacles, but venture resolutely amongst it all.

And by this point, I developed strategies around habit formation, many from Atomic Habits, living intentionally with digital devices with Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. And many more after that. Life with structure is more freeing than impulsive living.

After overcoming many obstacles, I finally found my treasure, much like how Santiago’s journey leads him to realize his destiny. Finally, during the pandemic, I found that steadfast, eager face to write and revise for months, connect with an editor and book designer, and ultimately publish my first book, The Cool and Warmth of Hearts, on February 14th, 2022 much like Odysseus returning home to Ithaca after his long voyage, this felt like a homecoming – a culmination of my journey.

The elixir

What purpose did this chronological account of my life serve in terms of research leading up to my choice to publish a book as a guide for creating the lifestyle I desire?

Through my research, I recognize how my earlier years kept me small and diminished with awareness, acceptance, deliberate research, or reflection. I took the reins over my life and have lived intentionally since this transformation in my journey. As Carl Jung writes:

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” — Carl Jung

Investigating my life equipped me with knowledge about the world and myself while navigating it. It also gave me the skills to survive and improve one percent daily in the art of living. I saw and connected how the various research between my thoughts and feelings informed my decision-making. I processed the external world that was incongruent with how I responded to the environment, like a freaky hive-mind.

Feeling safe and believing you’re “doing something useful is easy.” Still, you need the opportunity to share your creation with the world. It takes courage to acknowledge that confronting your demons will break you out of the perpetual darkness and embrace the creative energy of your shadow while moving toward the light.

Thus, living an authentic life, doing what you love with the intention of your values, passions, and purpose, molded into it.

The Gist

As dramatic as this may sound, research saved my life and saved me from the ignorant reality of a wandering zombie over many rainy days. Research became my guiding light, like Athena guiding Odysseus, to help me navigate the obscured path ahead. I don’t believe I’m near to saying “I’m enlightened” and living the perfect life. The flaws were insights into becoming an evolving virtuous person.

I enjoy the kaleidoscope range of emotions. I enjoy the cognitive challenges I face often. I recognize the ability to follow your bliss by trusting in your inner wisdom and the spontaneity and beauty of life, both its good and bad aspects. Especially how my shadow can teach me how to use its creative energy in developing wholeness (individuation).

“There is no light without shadow and no psychic wholeness without imperfection.” — Carl G. Jung, Psychology and Alchemy

I needed clarification that it was about more than just the destination. It’s about the journey and the experience you cultivate and share with others along the way. The destination helps you aim and develop awareness to enjoy the journey, even on bumpy roads. As Santiago realized his Personal Legend and finding his treasure was within.

Here are the key points of my story:

• Through deliberate effort, research equipped me with indispensable knowledge and skills to thrive in life’s endeavors.
• It expanded my horizons beyond biases and fallacies. Research taught me to use time wisely, live intentionally, and seize fleeting opportunities.
• It reinvigorated my passions, confidence, and purpose. Research was the nourishment my psyche needed to integrate my shadows and walk the winding road ahead.

Remember, in the wisdom of Joseph Campbell, about finding your place in life as he quotes:

“Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” —Joseph Campbell