“Alone one is never lonely: the spirit
adventures, waking
In a quiet garden, in a cool house, abiding single there;
The spirit adventures in sleep, the sweet thirst-slaking
When only the moon’s reflection touches the wild hair.
There is no place more intimate than the spirit alone:
It finds a lovely certainty in the evening and the morning.
It is only where two have come together bone against bone
That those alonenesses take place, when, without warning
The sky opens over their heads to an infinite hole in space;
It is only turning at night to a lover that one learns
He is set apart like a star forever and that sleeping face
(For whom the heart has cried, for whom the frail hand burns)
Is swung out in the night alone, so luminous and still,
The waking spirit attends, the loving spirit gazes
Without communion, without touch, and comes to know at last
Out of a silence only and never when the body blazes
That love is present, that always burns alone, however steadfast.”—May Sarton
What is solitude
Lack of social interaction is exemplified by the state of solitude. Depending on the context, it may have beneficial or detrimental outcomes. The ability to concentrate, think, or relax undisturbed for a short time is highly valued by many people. As a matter of personal preference, it could be desirable. Conversely, long-term isolation is undesirable and can result from strained relationships, the death of a loved one, a conscious decision, an infectious disease, mental or neurological illness, or even just the nature of one’s job or living situation.
The root meaning comes from Old French solitude, “loneliness,” and directly from Latin solitudinem (solitudo), “loneliness, a being alone; lonely place, desert, wilderness,” from solus, “alone.”
Solitude, by its etymological definition for most of history, is synonymous with loneliness. By modern definition, it has been drawn into two parallels with their own meaning, which will be explored later in the little history of solitude.
Choosing solitude allows one to be unencumbered by the needs and demands of other people. Solitude is a healthy practice. The individual won’t be labeled antisocial, depressed, or mentally ill. Indulging in regular periods of solitude has many positive effects on one’s life. The proliferation of social media has made it more difficult to relax in private. When we’re by ourselves, we still want to know what’s happening in the broader world.
“The world is here to surprise us. My most lasting insights have occurred off the [meditation] cushion, not on it.” ― Stephen Batchelor, The Art of Solitude
What is loneliness
Feeling lonely is an unpleasant emotional reaction to being alone. Social pain, another term for loneliness, is a psychological mechanism that drives people to actively seek out relationships. It’s commonly linked to a distressing absence of love and closeness. Feeling lonely is similar to being alone but also different. Separation from others is what we mean when we talk about solitude. Still, not everyone who spends time alone feels lonely. Loneliness is a subjective emotion that can be experienced even when surrounded by others.
Loneliness is often associated with negative connotations as the “condition of being solitary.” Meaning “feeling of being dejected from want of companionship or sympathy.”
Its common knowledge feeling lonely is not suitable for anyone for long periods as it erodes the individual well-being.
As social beings, maintaining healthy social relationships is crucial to our emotional and physical well-being. Identity is shaped through interactions with others, which are fundamental to our development as learners, problem solvers, and survivors.
Difference between solitude and loneliness
Conversely, loneliness may affect anybody. Individuals with contrasting personality types—introverts and extroverts—share a common experience: isolation. No medical professional can diagnose loneliness, nor can there be a test for it. In contrast to isolation, solitude is often seen as a bad experience.
Therefore, it is essential to recognize that solitude is a constructive form of silence that has the potential to improve every aspect of our life. As a result, we are free to concentrate on our thoughts and develop our sense of self without interruption.
It’s important to note that while we might select to be alone, we can never take on loneliness. The downsides of solitude can still affect us, even when surrounded by those we care about most.
Why do we need solitude in modern times
Our ancestors relied on and took care of one other and shared information and resources since we are social beings. However, this is an ancient worry that has survived until the present. Our forefathers and mothers were part of closer-knit communities. They didn’t have to deal with the benefits and drawbacks of modern technology. As a result, they were able to have more intimate, personal conversations with one another, free from the continual interruptions of intellectual and emotional stimulation.
In contrast, modern life might make us feel like we are actively participating. Each day, we receive more messages than we can respond to, and we have access to more data than we can understand. Biologically, humans cannot handle the predicted volume of information and social interaction.
The conventional wisdom about what it takes to be successful and happy emphasizes the need to always be active and do more and more. However, in today’s society, when extroversion is praised and assumed to be the norm, introverts may find their loved ones worrying about their health unnecessarily when they simply like some peace and quiet.
It’s very uncommon for people to feel a deep sense of isolation at large corporations prioritizing production and consumerism over human connection and introspection. Long commutes harm people’s health and may also break community spirit since they cut individuals’ free time and make it harder to meet new people.
However, time spent alone may work wonders for one’s mental health, whether they identify as extrovert or introverted. Take their life as a series of cycles. The person, like the ground, requires dormancy during lean times to blossom during times of plenty. It just can’t be summer all the time!
Digital devices
Physical isolation is not a prerequisite for inner peace and reflection since all one needs is time alone. The benefit of being alone is that the person can concentrate on whatever they’re doing without being interrupted by anything else.
- Talking to someone
- Listening to a podcast
- Watching TV
- Reading
The act of using a digital device, whether a phone or computer,
Virginia Woolf once wrote that being alone was like being released from the shackles of oppressive noise and distraction. We are constantly surrounded by visual and auditory stimuli, from Muzak in elevators to TVs at gas stations. Our increasing reliance on cell phones has resulted in a persistent hum of self-imposed noise, adding to the already loud and ubiquitous din of environmental noise.
People used to be concerned about new technologies like telephones and televisions infringing on their personal space. Today’s digital instruments, however, are more pervasive than any in history. Before Apple debuted the iPod, consumers could listen to music on the move using Discmans and Sony Walkmans, but usually only in specific contexts, such as while exercising or traveling. Once iPods became available, individuals carried them everywhere, listening to music throughout their day. The iPod was the first breakthrough that could permanently divert people’s attention away from their own ideas, as opposed to the periodic disruptions that came with earlier technology.
By making the iPhone widely available, Apple has ended any opportunities for individuality. People may sneak a peek at their phones to check messages or apps when they can’t listen to music. Consequently, people are in grave danger of not having time alone with their ideas.
Internet & Social media
The Internet has become the ultimate source of solace and convenience, with seemingly limitless information, media, products, services, connections, and even porn at one’s fingertips. Unfortunately, it eventually breeds jealousy and discord, muddles our wants and priorities, hardens our hearts to violence and pain, and cements superficial relationships at the expense of genuine ones.
“The key issue is that using social media tends to take people away from the real-world socializing that’s massively more valuable. As the negative studies imply, the more you use social media, the less time you tend to devote to offline interaction, and therefore the worse this value deficit becomes—leaving the heaviest social media users much more likely to be lonely and miserable. The small boosts you receive from posting on a friend’s wall or liking their latest Instagram photo can’t come close to compensating for the large loss experienced by no longer spending real-world time with that same friend. As Shakya summarizes: “Where we want to be cautious . . . is when the sound of a voice or a cup of coffee with a friend is replaced with ‘likes’ on a post.” —Cal Newport, Digital Minimalism
Lack of solitude is eroding the next generations
There was a significant increase in feelings of isolation among Generation Z members between 2012 and 2018. During that time, the percentage of high school pupils worldwide who reported feeling lonely was nearly double what it had been a decade before. That’s a massive jump in a relatively short amount of time. In 2012, more than half of all Americans owned a smartphone, and the number of people actively using social networking sites hit a tipping point. Therefore this phenomenon may have been caused by this.
The convergence of two brand-new, massive cultural phenomena required our full attention around the clock. And the news quickly went global. People, especially young people, began to rely more on digital media and less on face-to-face contact. The human brain’s need for personal interaction is ideal, and virtual interactions often need to catch up to that.
A little history of solitude
“As sickness is the greatest misery, so the greatest misery of sickness is solitude.” —John Donne, Meditation
At the dawn of the modern era, people viewed isolation with a curious combination of reverence and fear. Those who chose to live in isolation did so in the footsteps of the fourth-century desert fathers who found God in the wilderness.
For instance, Saint Anthony the Great, who gained notoriety due to a biography written about him by Saint Athanasius about the year 360 CE, lived a lengthy, frugal life in seclusion by the Nile as he prayed and fasted. People looking for peace and quiet amid the economic chaos were drawn to the deserts established by St. Anthony and his successors, whether those deserts were actual or figurative.
Therefore, the concept of isolation emerged from a specific Christian heritage. The early church was greatly influenced by the teachings of the desert fathers. By removing themselves from the chaos and impurity of city life, they could have a silent communion with a silent God. Following their lead, monasteries were established to provide a safe haven for meditators by combining private practice with communal living and strict adherence to monastic norms.
Being alone for long periods, or “solitude,” was viewed with unease and admiration. As a result of its rarity outside of closed religious groups, it became the province of an aristocratic male minority. Only when the ideas of humanism and realism gained traction during the Reformation and the Enlightenment did people begin to view periods of isolation as normal and healthy.
Just when society began to experience a major shift, poet and Dean of St. Paul’s Cathedral John Donne became ill with an unknown ailment and was abandoned by everyone. Because of the natural reaction of the healthy toward the sick, he stated, “When I am but unwell, and could infect, they have no treatment except their absence and my isolation.” But a uniquely Protestant understanding of God provided him with comfort. He conceived of the Supreme Being as profoundly communal:
“There is a plurality of persons in God, though there be but one God; and all his external actions testify a love of society, and communion. In heaven there are orders of angels, and armies of martyrs, and in that house many mansions; in earth, families, cities, churches, colleges, all plural things.” —John Donne
Donne’s guiding philosophical principle was this belief in the value of one’s local community. After that, in Meditation 17, he wrote the most famous declaration of man’s social identity in English:
“No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.” —John Donne
After Donne’s dark time, the Enlightenment further stressed the importance of friendship and community. Human connection was thought to be essential for creative thinking. Within and between urban centers, communication and interaction shook up entrenched superstition and ignorance, paving the way for scientific investigation and technological development.
Withdrawal to the sanctity of one’s closet for spiritual meditation or persistent intellectual work may be necessary, but only to better equip oneself for contributing to society’s forward movement after one emerges from their retreat. In recent decades, there has been a growing consensus that prolonged, permanent isolation is pathological and may be either the cause or effect of depression.
This outgoing attitude was met with resistance during the late 18th century. The hermit tradition within Christianity gained more recognition, even in Protestant cultures.
The Romantic era valued alone time spent in nature for its therapeutic effects. Thomas De Quincey, a writer, determined that William Wordsworth walked 180,000 miles around England and Europe throughout his lifetime. It became increasingly appealing to periodically withdraw and isolate oneself from society in response to the stresses posed by urbanization. Provided it is welcomed with open arms, solitude can revitalize a moral compass tarnished by unchecked capitalism and restore a person’s spiritual energy.
A combination of smaller families and council housing meant that middle and lower-class families could afford their own homes for the first time in the early 20th century. Thanks to electric lighting and central heating systems, families no longer need to congregate around a single heat source. After slum clearances, the streets were no longer filled with people milling around, and kids their age finally had a place to call “home.”
Household appliances have largely supplanted live-in staff in middle-class houses, leaving the housewife to her own devices for most of the day. The automobile was a status symbol for the middle class between World Wars I and II and then for the entire population in the second half of the twentieth century. It offered convenient transportation for individuals, complete with their choice of radio station and music.
Common social isolationism emerged after 1945. When one-person houses were formerly unheard of, they quickly became the norm in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries.
Short-term or long-term solo dwelling is no longer stigmatized as a health risk. In its place, the experience of loneliness is receiving increased attention, prompting the United Kingdom to designate the first loneliness minister in the world in 2018 and release an ambitious government policy to address the disorder. In other words, being alone isn’t the issue; instead, the problem is that many people feel “uncomfortably alone without someone,” as social activist and writer Stephanie Dowrick puts it.
Late modernity’s reduced incidence of loneliness contradicts the claims of many advocates. The question is not why the incidence has been so big, but rather, according to official figures, why it has been so little, given the fast expansion of single-person homes and the number of older individuals.
The distinction between alone and loneliness is partially a question of choice, and the history of solitariness should urge us to do so. Because of various material improvements that have given people of all ages more freedom of choice about where and how they live, the number of people living alone has increased. On the other end of the scale, solitary criminal confinement, the severe form of contemporary solitude, is destructive to practically anybody subjected to it. Too much time spent alone might be seen as loneliness.
It’s essential to remember that being alone isn’t inherently lonesome; instead, it’s the incapacity to reach out when we feel isolated that causes loneliness. Conversely, being alone allows us to focus on our thoughts rather than our external surroundings. Isolation of the mind from the influence of other people’s thoughts.
As a prerequisite to experiencing true solitude, one must first learn to accept and embrace it
Without distractions, our minds can wander to more profound realms of awareness, where we may reconnect with our essential humanity and the natural environment, which can serve as both muse and companion. Putting away reliant feelings and limiting concessions frees us up for problem-solving, creativity, and spirituality. If we accept it, this chance to hone our viewpoints will give us the fortitude and safety to handle even more time alone. Over time, it will provide us with the depth and significance that serves as a shield against loneliness.
Psychiatrist Anthony Storr makes a compelling case in his book Solitude: A Return to the Self (1988).
“The happiest lives are probably those in which neither interpersonal relationships nor impersonal interests are idealized as the only way to salvation. The desire and pursuit of the whole must comprehend both aspects of human nature.” —Anthony Storr
Individuals who want to live a solitary existence are sometimes stigmatized by society.
This is an odd response, given that individuality is celebrated in today’s culture. Many people today are not judged for their unconventional style, whether in clothing, hair, makeup, or body art.
But our contemporary society views those who opt for solitary existence as dangerous. Why is it suspected that someone would seek solitude as a means of self-discovery if society values diversity and uniqueness?
Our evolutionary past may be the cause.
Philosopher Philip Koch wrote a book titled Solitude, which explored the negative responses to isolation. He discovered that because our species thrived in social groups, we have a hardwired aversion to being alone.
Some others may view someone’s desire for isolation as unhealthy or dangerous. This is probably because studies in psychology have shown that people can’t thrive emotionally in isolation. Yet if the findings of this study held true for everyone, then individuals who voluntarily isolated themselves would be destined for a life of misery.
Despite our conscious desire for solitude, we’re afraid of being alone. In extreme cases, this anxiety might lead to hostile feelings against a buddy who is content when spending time alone.
Taking tiny, controlled risks to push oneself outside their comfort zone might help one overcome these worries.
Anthony the Great, the prototypical hermit, spent 20 years in solitary confinement before becoming the first monastic leader. When he rejoined regular society, he was in acceptable mental and physical shape. Countless individuals were moved by his example and decided to adopt his lifestyle.
“There are those among you who seek the talkative through fear of being alone. The silence of aloneness reveals to their eyes their naked selves and they would escape. And there are those who talk, and without knowledge or forethought reveal a truth which they themselves do not understand. And there are those who have the truth within them, but they tell it not in words. In the bosom of such as these the spirit dwells in rhythmic silence.” —Kahlil Gibran
The benefits of being comfortable with alone time
Whether an introvert needs time to recharge after being around people or an extrovert who doesn’t believe spending time alone can benefit their mental and physical health. Here are a few reasons why they should embrace solitude:
- It can help reduce stress levels. When alone, there’s no one else’s energy to influence them. This can help them relax and feel less stressed.
- It can help recognize fleeting feelings. Whether practicing meditation or making art, a person will realize feelings come and go. By embracing this fact, we can appreciate the daily kaleidoscope range of emotions we experience.
- It can boost creativity. Being alone allows someone to focus on their thoughts and ideas without distractions from others. This can lead to increased creativity and productivity.
- It can help us pursue our passions. Finding the time and focus to pursue one’s interests can be difficult if they’re constantly surrounded by people or “noisy” activities. When alone, the person can devote all their attention to what they love doing, whether it’s painting, writing, or playing music.
- It can improve our self-awareness. Spending time alone allows individuals to reflect on their thoughts and feelings without outside influences. This can help them better understand themselves and what they want in life.
- It can help us be comfortable in our skin. How often does a person look into the bathroom mirror naked and feel disgusted or ashamed of their physical image? The art of solitude teaches with practicing mindfulness, we can become comfortable with not just who we’re but also accepting what we look like and that we’re not always defined by our biological features of height or eye color. Instead, we can change what we have control over if we’re unhappy with our weight and develop a mindset of abundance, gratitude, and compassion as our well-being demands it.
- Being alone oneself allows for thoughtful consideration. Taking some downtime at the end of the day enables our minds to explore more abstract ideas. It’s vital to get things done, but it’s also crucial to reflect. When alone, a person may focus on their own thoughts and ideas. When we’re around friends or family, our attention tends to be drawn outward. For a little while, we forget about ourselves and our problems. The vast majority of the time, and for the vast majority of individuals, this is a positive thing; for example, someone may have experienced instances when they were angry or worried about something and found that being among other people helped them feel better. Sometimes, looking inside is precisely what an individual needs to do, whether confronting their demons, being more self-aware, releasing the past, or just taking stock of what they want to alter or improve their life.
- Clarity can be attained in solitude. A person’s perspective on the world might get tainted by life and other people. When they’re on their own, they can think and act without being swayed by the opinions of others. An emphasis on the outside world is typical in today’s society. Being alone gives them time to reflect, look within, and better understand themselves and the world. Do they have a crystal-clear idea of what they hope to accomplish in this life? They should be; people who need to know what they’re striving toward frequently feel aimless and eventually settle for someone else’s vision. For this reason, being alone helps them figure out what they really want from life without worrying about what other people think. Generally, people take on the traits of their closest associates, whether they are friends or not.
- Dopamine detox. For those unfamiliar with the phrase, it involves refraining from all pleasurable activities for a certain amount of time so that the brain may “reset” and return to normal dopamine levels. We’ll find that we have plenty of peps and drive. Solitude can be helpful to free ourselves from chasing dopamine highs.
- Spirituality. For those who believe there is a power beyond themselves, time spent alone may be a powerful spiritual practice. The best way to get in touch with our true selves is to spend some time alone. This does not require becoming a hermit or doing any other drastic measures. We need to be completely and entirely alone so that we may retreat into ourselves. That’s just a nasty way of life. At that point, however, we realize that our true identity is not in a separate material self but in God or nature, the unbreakable unity, and we are no longer isolated individuals.
“Solitude gives birth to the original in us, to beauty unfamiliar and perilous – to poetry. But also, it gives birth to the opposite: to the perverse, the illicit, the absurd.” ―Thomas Mann, Death in Venice and Other Tales
Taking Time for ourselves and Why It’s crucial for our well-being
Solitude allows us to re-establish connections with ourselves, integrate new ideas, and create personal meaning by isolating us from external restraints, diversions, and influences.
Friedrich Nietzsche believed that those who lacked the ability or chance for isolation were nothing more than slaves who had no choice but to repeat the norms of society. In contrast, those who have removed the masks of society gravitate toward isolation, which serves as both a refuge and a guarantee of a more genuine set of ideals and aspirations.
“I go into solitude so as not to drink out of everybody’s cistern. When I am among the many I live as the many do, and I do not think I really think. After a time it always seems as if they want to banish my self from myself and rob me of my soul.” —Friedrich Nietzsche
The joy of missing out: why we don’t need to be constantly surrounded by people
There’s something to be said for missing out, often tied to the acronym “FOMO,” the fear of missing out. In a hyperconnected world where we’re constantly bombarded with messages telling us that we need to be surrounded by people, attention robbed by notifications, present for every event, or be involved with everything, it induces anxiety and depression. It can be refreshing to practice solitude and enjoy the inescapable solitude at the heart of human life.
Sure, being alone can sometimes be lonely. But it can also be a chance to recharge and refocus. It’s an opportunity to enjoy some much-needed peace and quiet. And it can even be a chance to get in touch with our thoughts and feelings. Furthermore, a good life isn’t always about doing everything but being more intentional about what we value the most. When an individual recognizes their top values and asks themselves, “does this thing align with my values?” they’ll discard what doesn’t matter and focus on what does, which enriches the experience.
Finding peace in being alone: how to enjoy our own company
“I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.” ―Henry David Thoreau, Walden
In today’s society, it’s easy to feel like we’re not doing enough if we’re not constantly surrounded by people. However, there are many benefits to spending time alone and enjoying our own company. For one, it can help us relax and de-stress from the hustle and bustle of everyday life; it especially rings true with the “quiet quitting” movement.
Is the individual a “work to live a good life” or a “live to work” person? This philosophy can change depending on what stage they’re in their life and what aspirations they want to achieve milestones. Beliefs are not always static; they’re malleable as long they align with their value system. Sometimes people need to hear inspiring stories as a catalyst for change, and they can find a plethora of inspiring stories on social media or YouTube; however, wisdom is also found in one’s soul in alone time.
It can give them time to reflect on their life and figure out what they want to do next; perhaps, they overstayed their welcome at a company that no longer meets their career aspirations. It’s time for a leap of faith. Remember, even the richness of life means venturing into the unknown and engaging with life’s multifaceted explorations to see where it leads them. Finally, being alone can help them appreciate the people in their life, even more, when they’re around them.
“Mindfulness is a balanced, reflective stance in which one notices the meanness or sarcasm that rises up in the mind while neither identifying with it nor rejecting it. One observes with interest what is happening without succumbing to either the urge to act on it or the guilty desire to ignore or suppress it. This entails a radical acceptance of who and what you are, where nothing is unworthy of being the object of such attention. You say “yes” to your life as it manifests, warts and all, with an ironic, compassionate regard. Through sustaining this nonreactive stance over time, mindful awareness becomes the basis for one’s ethical life.” ―Stephen Batchelor, The Art of Solitude
If we’re looking for ways to enjoy our own company, there are many things we can do. One way is to find a hobby we enjoy and can do by ourselves, such as reading or painting. In the art of solitude, we can learn more about the various meditative traditions that welcome the engaging and illuminating journey of personal exploration and the search for meaning.
- Buddhism’s fundamental ideas revolve around meditation, particularly the techniques described and preserved in books that date back thousands of years. Buddhists respect the teacher-student connection and meditate to gain practical wisdom and insight to finally attain Enlightenment and be freed from suffering.
- Christian meditation has evolved over the centuries to facilitate prolonged prayer and meditation that draws one closer to God. Contrary to eastern meditation, Christian practitioners depend on the tranquil stimulation of introspective thoughts that lead to personal insight rather than mantras.
- Daoism (Taoism) emphasizes meditation as a crucial technique for fostering introspection, insight, and qi (natural energy) cultivation in a person’s life. Daoist meditation combines mind-body action and includes particular strategies for managing the limbs, lungs, and other bodily parts.
- Islam and Sufism investigate reflection as a useful method for achieving consciousness, creativity, and healing. In order to receive divine inspiration that wakes both the heart and the mind, practitioners focus on cultivating tadabbur, which is literally translated as “reflecting on the cosmos.”
- Non-Religious meditation has been embraced by secular traditions, such as counseling services and educational settings, as a useful method for promoting cognitive and social wellness for individuals and groups. Among the possible strategies are breathing exercises, mindfulness, and general relaxation techniques.
- Individuals, groups, and more significant cultural and spiritual traditions can all benefit from meditation. The significance of the search itself and our desire to connect, or instead reconnect, with the true Self and its role in the global system resides outside the symbols, techniques, and mantras we use in practice.
These are a few meditative traditions that shed light on the very needed solitude we should integrate into our lives to experience the true joy in discovering the beauty and the sublime depth of nature and the inner world of the soul.
How to make the most of being alone: tips for enjoying our own company
“A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he doesn’t love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.” ―Arthur Schopenhauer, Essays and Aphorisms
If we’re not used to being alone, it can be tough to adjust at first, but there are plenty of ways to make the most of it. Here are a few tips:
- Use the time to do things we enjoy but only sometimes have time for. Whether reading, writing, painting, or taking a long walk, take advantage of the peace and quiet to do something we love.
- Use the opportunity to reflect on our lives and goals. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day grind and lose sight of what’s important to us. Spending time alone can help us refocus and figure out what we want out of life.
- Besides meditation or walking in nature, writing in a journal or writing poetry helps reveal the haunting melody that often hides in the unconscious. In that vast center of knowledge where the craving mind explores, we discover the compass that nudges in the direction of authentic purpose.
Embracing loneliness: it’s okay to be alone sometimes
“I was a man who thrived on solitude; without it I was like another man without food or water. Each day without solitude weakened me. I took no pride in my solitude; but I was dependent on it. The darkness of the room was like sunlight to me.” ―Charles Bukowski, Factotum
Loneliness is often seen as a negative emotion that should be avoided at all costs. There is a danger of prolonged loneliness; it makes sense when we keep ourselves isolated from others or constantly fed with information. The moment we’ve met with quietness, the dread of loneliness swarms. Alas, one reason is the belief that boredom is wrong and a good life is only one step away from browsing social media or binge-watching on Netflix. The art of solitude means being aware of why we feel lonely and asking, “what personal narrative is contributing to my feeling of loneliness?”
Human life is precious and finite. The illuminating journey begins by discerning the difference in our personal narrative that conflates social isolation and loneliness. We live in a hyperconnected world where people lump their well-being to how popular they’re on social media, with hundreds to thousands of followers who like and comment on their posts. Suppose they go days without receiving a like. In that case, they feel like a wreck, often worsening their mental health where depression and anxiety spike. However, solitude is a chance to understand that our intense depression or anxiety is trying to tell us something crucial: cultivate self-compassion, choose and interact with our friends and family, and change our personal story about how loneliness may provide great joy and insight.
“I cannot help but see the void in which I am standing as a metaphor for emptiness: the absence of compulsive reactivity, a precondition for the unimpeded space of paths that allow human flourishing. The unadorned simplicity of this rock-cut shrine evokes the Buddha’s dharma before it mutated into dogma. This is nirvana inscribed in stone. Until the idea of emptiness was hijacked by metaphysicians, it was just another way of talking about solitude.” ― Stephen Batchelor, The Art of Solitude
The power of solitude: using alone time to reflect and grow
We must take time for ourselves in our constantly connected world and enjoy solitude. Solitude can be a powerful tool for reflection and growth.
When we’re alone, we can take the time to think about our lives and what we want to change. We can reflect on our accomplishments and set new goals. We can also learn more about who we are and what we believe in.
Solitude can be challenging to embrace, but it’s worth it. By taking time for ourselves, we can become better people who are more grounded and aware of our surroundings.
“Solitude requires you to move past reacting to information created by other people and focus instead on your own thoughts and experiences—wherever you happen to be.”
“Solitude is not a pleasant diversion, but instead a form of liberation from the cognitive oppression that results in its absence.” —Cal Newport, Digital Minimalism
Experiencing profound oneness with nature is a great way to appreciate time alone
Leaving the city for a more rural location is a great option to discover peace and quiet. Experiencing outdoors might help us feel more at one with the world.
When we’re all by ourselves and can give our full attention to the natural world, we may begin to feel a sense of oneness with it. There is something magical about reuniting with nature. It has been characterized by people like Thoreau and others who have sought solace in isolation from the stresses of modern life.
“Give me solitude, give me Nature, give me again O Nature your primal sanities!” —Walt Whitman
Those who have had this enlightening encounter describe it as a supernatural encounter.
While some have discovered a more profound sense of meaning and purpose in their lives due to this transcendent experience, others have just found bliss. Still, isolation is essential for reaching true Enlightenment.
In the Middle Ages, it was common practice for aspiring monks and knights to spend time alone before their formal introduction into their respective professions. The purpose of this time alone, known as a vigil, was to mentally and spiritually ready them for the next stage of their life.
An additional case in point is the Australian tradition of sending young Aborigines on a walkabout, a time of six months of isolation designed to help them transition into maturity. Spending time alone has been crucial to becoming a functioning adult in many cultures across time and space.
Solitude and creativity
Creativity is being stifled by distractions. Our finest artistic masterpieces peak when we become immersed in our creative effort. When we let our true selves into our work, we become more genuine.
Shutting off distractions allows us to focus on our thoughts. By doing so, we may evaluate incoming ideas, choose which ones to keep and which to let go of, and then put those choices into action through our chosen medium. In isolation, we transmit our truth when we acknowledge our emotions—whether painful or full of joy. How we express our inner lives through art reveals something about our identities and relationships with the world.
Alone time might bring up terrible thoughts. Accepting the truth about ourselves might be challenging, but in doing so, we free up mental space for original thought. With room to think clearly, it’s possible to bring original concepts into the world.
When we accept the notion of isolation, we make a place for innovative thinking that encourages creativity.
Solitude, psychology, and philosophy
The Stoics were a group of ancient philosophers who advocated a philosophy known as Stoicism. The reasoning needed them to identify what they could alter and what they couldn’t.
The 4 virtues
- Courage: daring, what can one accomplish? How do they deal with difficulty? Do they run away or tackle it head-on?
- Temperance: being able to control their emotions and make rational choices under pressure requires much self-control.
- Justice: to what extent do their words and deeds reflect the principles their hold dear?
- Wisdom: do they know what to do in every given circumstance because of their wisdom and experience?
Solitude, time apart from other people, and distractions are necessary for answering such concerns. The act of introspection may boost output by helping an individual zero in on the activities that will have the most impact on achieving their objectives, placing more weight on the activities whose results are within their sphere of influence, and visualizing the steps necessary to achieve their goals.
Therefore, finding time alone to reflect on their personality, behavior, and goals might be beneficial.
“At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?” —Marcus Aurelius
Aristotle Golden Means
“Balance” would not be the correct term to describe a situation where one must balance their time between solitude and socialize with others. Instead, “balancing” where they should schedule or welcome solitude into their lives to reap the various benefits of solitude in a hyper-connected world. Following the concept of Aristotle’s Golden Means to integrate solitude as a virtue for overall well-being, the individual can avoid the extremes of spending too much alone lest they be inundated with the feeling of loneliness: too much time apart from others. Also, the downside of constantly being “plugged in” overwhelms the dopamine receptor only for the individual to seek more yet leave behind a hollow-out husk filled with melancholy.
Carl G. Jung Shadow and Individuation
The deliberate act of practicing solitude can bring with it the individuation process. This individual integrates the unconscious elements of archetypes and unseen shadows into the conscious. Ultimately building a wholesome person. Many people, however, would instead return to the familiarity of their addictions to the pleasures of life rather than use their shadow’s wisdom to guide them toward a more purposeful existence.
Active imagination
Psychologists like Donald Winnicott have found evidence that our appreciation for being alone dates back to childhood. Once our parents had taken care of our fundamental requirements, including ensuring we ate, we could enjoy our time alone. We felt at ease and liberated to go off independently and discover the area.
As we get older, such carefree, youthful times become increasingly rare. It’s not uncommon for people to lose their capacity for contented isolation and the ability to enjoy being alone once they join the realm of school and social demands. Learning to actively connect with our active imagination and daydreaming can help us reclaim our alone time in a secure environment.
Psychoanalyst Carl Jung utilized reverie as a tool to probe his unconsciousness. When alone, he would daydream, reflect on dreams and recollections, and make mental notes of his thoughts and feelings. He kept a journal in which he detailed the things that brought him joy; he was surprised to find that many of them pertained to his early years of isolation.
When treating his patients, Jung would actively promote such daydreaming. He advised that they take comfort in being alone, think happy thoughts again, and seek out the type of unobtrusive isolation they had as youngsters.
Although we can’t go back in time and change our formative years, we can encourage solitude and teach people the value of quiet reflection by modeling it ourselves.
The Gist
Over the centuries, man has developed into a highly social, interdependent species. He is suddenly cut off from everyone else, not on a remote mountainside, in a barren desert, or on a makeshift raft in the middle of the ocean, but in a metropolis of millions.
For the first time in human history, he has no compelling reason to engage with his fellow humans and develop meaningful relationships with them.
“There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more”― Lord Byron
It is essential to embrace solitude for several reasons. First, spending time alone can help us to know ourselves better. This can be beneficial in both our personal and professional life. Secondly, embracing solitude can help reduce stress and promote creativity and productivity. Finally, accepting loneliness can lead to a greater appreciation for companionship when it is available.
Therefore, learning to enjoy our company is vital to leading a happy and healthy life. The art of solitude comes with intention and practicing meditation, whether walking in nature, praying, or detoxing ourselves from technology. Human life is more than always being plugged in, staying up to update with the latest stories.
In dark times, the graceful practice of solitude is integral to one’s humanity, staring down in the unconscious where the shadow side lives. It doesn’t envelope wistful contemplation into perpetuity. Instead, it helps us recognize that true solitude is a multifaceted exploration of what it means to be alive.
